Absinthe,
the “Green Fairy”, and Operational Excellence
XONITEK-US
and XONITEK-UK recently hosted an Operational Excellence Summit in
A
From
each place I visit, I’ve always liked to acquire artifacts which are unique to
the culture and display them in my office.
One artifact I
consistently collect is a bottle of the local “rot-gut
”. For instance, I have
a bottle of “Mompoer”
and some “Tot-Packs
” from
So it only stands to reason that I would bring back a
bottle of “Absinthe
" from
With the single possible exception of the rot-gut they make
in Peru
called “Chicha
"
(made by the local folks chewing on roots and spitting into a vat where the
concoction ferments from the chemical reaction of the saliva on the sugar to be
drank by the most desperate), Absinthe has the most unique story behind it of
any spirit – both history and legend.
It is an anise-flavoured spirit made from
herbs, including the grande-wormwood
plant (Artemisia absinthium) which is argued to be a
hallucinogen if taken in significant quantities.
There is the legend of those consuming the beverage seeing
the “green fairy” – which in reality
merely refers to the “louche-ing
” when the beverage is mixed with ice
and water. And there are also the legends associated
with the alleged hallucinogenic effects attributing to the creative genius and
sometimes eccentricity of imbibers such as: Edgar Degas, Jules Verne, Pablo Picasso, Vincent van Gogh, Oscar Wilde, Edger Allen Poe and Ernest Hemingway
– to name but a few.
Although
Absinthe was banned by the
So I
bought a bottle of 160-Proof Absinthe called, appropriately enough, “Vincent van
Gogh”. It
was a nicely designed bottle with a label that incorporated one of van Gogh’s
“self-portraits
” and the
liquid inside was a distinct shade of Absinthe green. I was certain that it would look good on
my
I am
sure you find this all very intriguing – especially if you followed some of the
links I provided to give you some very fascinating history. But you are probably saying, “That’s
interesting. So what”?
During the flight from Amsterdam to Detroit, all of the
passengers received a Customs
Control Document
which basically serves to identify who you are, what countries
you have visited, the purpose of
your visit, whether you have had any contact with farms or farm critters,
and how-much and what-kind of loot you are bringing into the
country.
Almost every country I have ever visited just asks these
types of questions at Passport
Control
and, if you answer in a manner that is suspicious or otherwise
unsatisfactory, you go to a secondary interview. I would suspect that one would trap more
suspects with verbal interaction than by written – so I am left wondering what
the value of the Customs Control Document is.
In the
Assuming you are not detained, you then proceed to Customs
Control
where they take the
Customs Control Document and ask the same questions that were asked at Passport
Control. One must keep in mind that
there is no way to determine whether the answers given at Passport Control are
the same as at Customs Control.
This process seems rather redundant and wasteful and, therefore, has
within it a prima facea opportunity for improvement.
In my
case, a key question that was asked of me at both Passport Control and Customs
Control was, “Are you carrying any alcohol?”
To
which I responded. “Yes. I have one
bottle of Absinthe.”
…
Wrong answer…
The
Passport Control Officer seemed to not care, but the Customs Control Officer
marked “Absinthe” on my Customs Control Document and asked that I follow the
“blue arrows.”
So I follow the blue arrows to the station where the
Officers who are going to perform the secondary interview are – certain scenes
from “Midnight
Express
”
flash through my mind. I am asked
curtly to “Put my bags on the conveyor”.
I
place the bags on the conveyor and, knowing for what they are searching, I open
my checked luggage and pull-out the bottle of Absinthe. The Officer looks at the bottle and
reaches for a book which is about a half-inch thick. He thumbs through the book, goes to the
index, finds the page he is looking for, turns the book around and points to the
page that says, “… bringing Absinthe into the
My
response, “Yes, I see… They didn’t
give me one of those books when I left the country”. I am sensing that he does not have a
sense of humour. I am starting to
wonder if I will like Turkish food.
He proceeds to tell me that the spirit cannot be imported because it has alleged hallucinogenic effects if consumed, to which I respond, “It’s 160-Proof, 80% alcohol – of course it will cause hallucinations if consumed.” He is not amused and I am trying to remember which way I should walk around the pillars.
He
looks through my passport and asks if I have any aliases. The first thing that comes to mind is
“Tater Salad”. But for once in my
life I manage to choke it back and simply respond, “No”. I am wondering what “Billy Hayes” would
do.
He
passes me to another Officer who asks me to bring my bags to a different
conveyor – which I oblige, of course.
Once I have my bags sprawled on the other conveyor, he begins to almost
apologize for the inconvenience – going as far as to say “It’s a stupid
rule.” I am starting to feel more
relaxed, but at the same time wondering if I am being
“good-cop/bad-copped”.
For
those of you who like to skip ahead to the meat, start reading
here…
He
then proceeds to begin formally “seizing” the Absinthe. We go
through the basics of my identity and the purpose of my visit to
He
looks at me and says, “We use the same process to seize this twenty-dollar
bottle of Absinthe as we do to seize a kilo of cocaine. It will cost $4,000 to $5,000 in
manpower and resources to seize and destroy this single twenty-dollar bottle of
Absinthe that nobody cares about.”
He then adds, “The only procedural difference between seizing this bottle
of Absinthe and seizing a kilo of cocaine is that handcuffs are not
involved.”
I am
aghast and simply respond, “No shit…”
He
goes on to explain to me that this bottle of Absinthe will be formally seized
with full documentation and accompanied by at least two officers whenever it is
not in the evidence vault. It will
be checked into the evidence vault at the airport until guarded transport to the
FBI Headquarters in
Not
usually at a loss for words, all I can say is, “No shit…”
I
stand there the entire time it takes to formally seize my bottle of
Absinthe. He is obviously
uncomfortable detaining me longer than he has to and is eager to see me on my
way. I let him know I have plenty
of time to catch my next flight so not to worry. In all, he is very thorough, polite and
respectful. I have no complaints as
to how I was treated.
I ask
if this incident is going to “flag” me or otherwise put me on a list, or if
there is a fine, to which he responds, “No… there will be no permanent record
attached to you.” I then ask him if
I have to sign anything and he says, “No.
There is nothing to sign.”
But he does give me a receipt for the confiscated bottle of Absinthe –
for what, I don’t know.
Finally,
after 45 minutes, I am released and free to go on my way.
Unbelievable…
Although
Operational Excellence abhors variants, it abhors complexity and waste even
more. My humble recommendation is
that there should be two processes for the handling of seized contraband – with
the simple test being the “handcuff test”.
If handcuffs are not involved, then you destroy or otherwise secure for
destruction the confiscated item with the minimum amount of paperwork, effort,
and fuss. If handcuffs are
involved, then you use the full seizure process.
What
about the simple fact that there are obviously conflicts or disconnects that
exist in the policies related to the handling of Absinthe – one where it is
legal to purchase and import and another where it is not? How many similar incidents like this
occur on a daily basis and what is the total cost? How many other different and wasteful
processes like this exist in government?
What other conflicts might exist and what is the cost of this waste to
the government? What about just the
cost of keeping obsolete or outdated rules and regulations on the books? Perhaps a 5-S exercise on laws and
regulations would yield a considerable savings?
It
boggles…
But I
walked away not only educated and enlightened by the experience, but also had a
tremendous sense of satisfaction knowing that I saved the government an
additional $4,000 to $5,000…
… You see, I decided not to mention the box of Romeo y Julieta #1 Tubos, Habanas that I had in my carry-on.
Click here to view the Customs & Border Control's "Absinthe" Notice of Seizure.
Joseph F
Paris Jr is a champion of Operational Excellence (Lean Six-Sigma and
Leadership). He has devoted himself to increasing shareholder-value
for all of his clients and constituents through his twenty plus years as an
entrepreneur, academic and professional instructor, and strategic
consultant. As President of XONITEK Corporation, Mr. Paris has established
a consultancy firm with a worldwide footprint and reputation of
success. Mr. Paris specializes in the
disciplines of: lean, six sigma, finance, turnaround
management, operational due-diligence, supply-chain, logistics, and
manufacturing.
Contact him at
parisjf@xonitek.com.Full-Biography,
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